the extremely mental misadventures of ashlet and mary mother fuckin matthews

Hmmm, its been a while... let me remember... Ash and me did stuff in Argentina and Bolivia.

So Rosario was a bit poo... went to Cordoba. It was great, as we were getting to the hostel in our taxi we drove past a tranny hooker in a g and bra. We then knew Cordoba would be far more entertaining than Rosario and decided we were on the right track.

We went to a town called Alta Garcia and went to where Che Guevara lived. I took a photo of his toilet and came to the conclusion that he was a bit of a crazy dickhead. We then had a pre bus ride back bottle of wine resulting in both of us really needing to piss for 50mins until we were back. That night we hung out at the hostel and drank more wine. Ash and I went on this fabulous rant about why everyone else in Australia is inferior to people in Adelaide to a bunch of people from overseas. I also got taught how to do a bit of tango... thankfully Ash didnt take video...

Severe hangover caused us to do nothing but the city bus tour sitting next to this douchebag from Ireland... He claimed to know where an Australian by their accent. he was an idiot. That night involved our first traditional Argentinian bbq. It was amazing. I almost died of beef overload especially when the hostel guy accidentally poured meat juice on me, I was just one big steak.

We went to some river thing one day then off to Mendoza for the wine festival...

Being always up for any festival involving wine we thought this would be amazing.... Actually, all the 'festival' we saw was a parade of dudes dressed up as Gauchos. The thing to do in Mendoza is the wine tour on bikes. According to our hostel, because of the festival we couldnt do it so did a half day wine tour. Turns out the hostel was wrong and were idiots. The wineries were ok, the wine was not of my taste. We ended up at another BBQ where we drank beer with a whole lot of crap people, our hostel was a bit douchey.... But then we ran into my beautiful boys; Tom, Dom & Hal. Ended up drinking more and having a great little laugh.

The next day, being sunday, everything was of course closed. We wandered round a bit but pretty much did nothing until we started drinking wine again. We met up with the boys and had a great drunken night running around Mendoza taking some awesome photos. Dom, Hal and Ash ended up on an adventure which almost involved them stealing a taxi while me and Tom entertained ourselves. I woke up the next day to find ash absolutely fucked ranting on about how good m&ms were... A moment I will never forget...

So from here on in the story gets all adventurey, misguided and full of mistakes..... but still quite amusing.

We decide we're going to Bolivia... Being in Argentina, none of the bus companies go there so we had to go to the border... There are two crossings... We chose the wrong one. After 24 hours on a bus and a night in a hotel we managed to walk across the funny little border crossing into Bolivia.

The border crossing town was a shithole (like most of bolivia). Aiming to get across to the eastern side of Bolivia we book a seat on a bus to Tarija, 300km away. We get on the bus at 6.30pm and start our journey through the Andes. The road was barely fit for a 4wd let alone a bus. There was no toilet, no AC no lights... Bo fuckin livia. 10 hours and a piss stop in a field later we arrive in Tarija... 4.30am, no idea where we are, muscles so sore after being shaken around a bus for 10 straight hours, hair dreadded from rubbing against the head rest, no sleep... We taxi to some little hotel and sleep. It took 2 days for us to stop feeling like absolute crap. We then realised that Tarija is in the middle of the Andes and any bus out will be like that bus... $100 to fly to Santa Cruz.... sold.But we had to spend a few days there.

We ate really well in Tarija and looking back it is actually a really nice city for Bolivia... A really shitty city for any other country though. One night we drank wine with the only English speaking person we met in 4 days... Some American douchebag who was kinda nice, but a douche. I ended up getting really drunk and apparently talking to random Bolivians who I assume had no idea what I was saying. Thank christ Ash was there to take me home...

SANTA CRUZ!!!! WOOHOOO CITY WITH SOMETHING TO DO!!!! well that was what we thought.... we were wrong... I'm pretty sure Santa Cruz is the anus of South America. Ash bought some shoes and some pants, we got ripped off and totally gringoed by some bolivian dudes, Ash got offered $200 bolivianos ($30 aus) for this drunk dude to take me home, some guys told me they loved my gringo pussy.... Another shitty bus ride with an awful stench of BO and we were out of there.

La Paz, it is high... I got sick from the altitude. Although was heaps better than anywhere else in Bolivia. We actually got to do some stuff. Went mountain biking down the road formerly known as 'the worlds most dangerous road'... That was rad! Went and saw Largo Titicaca, that was also amazing.... Tried to vote at the consulate for the South Australian state election but were denied our democratic right...

The biking was one of the most amazing things ever! You start at 4600m in freezing cold snow capped mountains and after 3 hours of intense riding you end up in the jungle at 1200m where its hot and sunny. It was spectacular.

Our hostel was quite typical for Bolivia, lots of English douches who have been there for 2 weeks taking coke and screwing whoever they can. We did meet a couple of cool people and had a party in our room one night after we went to see the wrestling (ladies in traditional dress fighting... great thing to see).

We decided to fly back to BsAs to avoid buses and save time.... Our flight left at 8.45am, my boys were coming up to La Paz from Potosi early for one last night of party.... Man what a night... It was insane... thats all i will say. We didnt sleep... we got on the flight... Man I miss those kiddies.

So that is a brief rundown of the adventure me and ash had... despite all the negative tones it was actually a lot of fun... just the bad shit is more interesting to write about.


In Bs.As. now living with some dudes. will write about that later.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargentina

Hola Amigos!

Back in a Spanish speaking country! Argentina! its pretty great.

Rio ended up getting heaps better. Dildos left and a whole lot of cool people arrived. Saw the Christ statue and some Favelas (slum things). Hit up some awesome beach parties, bought some havvies (which arent really that cheap) and chilled on the beach. On my last night we went to this place called Casa Rosa which is 2 houses and a garden with a bar. There was a Samba band outside and then two other rooms with different music. It was like being in a house party, it was great. Although me and this awesome aussie chick Emma unfortunately got talking to these American douches who, despite being covered in sweat, still insisted on giving us the traditional kiss on each cheek... it was gross. Before we left we went into one of the rooms where there was this really awesome Afro-Brazilian dub/funk/house music, I should find out what its called. All these Afro-Brazilian people were dancing and they looked so good. Me and emma stood out so bad. There was no chance in hell we were going to dance because white people cannot move like that and instead we stood in the back watching. To make matters worse, there was blacklights so our blonde hair was glowing. It was so cool though.

So then I bussed to Buenos Aires. It took 2 days. I had a 5 hour stop in Iguazu Falls on the Brazil/Argentina border so I went to see the Brazilian side of the falls. Pretty impressive. I will be going back with Ash to see the Argentinian side but seeing he doesnt have a Brazilian visa I thought I'd check out their side. Argentina is supposed to be better.

Made it to BA a few hours before Ash. We met up with Martin who I met in Mexico and his friend Juan. Both such lovely guys. We went out to an awesome bar. The next day we were pretty slow and went to meet some British lads I met in Sao Paulo. Had a few beers and met up again with Martin and Juan. We went back to the bar which was heaps better, more people and the dance floor was cranking. Partied really hard! Ash got hit on by a couple of dudes which is always funny.

Came to Rosario on Saturday. I accidentally fucked up the booking and the hostel was full but they were so nice and put us on the floor of the tv room. We saw the Santa Fe orchestra play at the monument to the flag. Rosario is very pretty but it is really quiet and we didnt quite know where to go. Yesterday was Sunday and everything was closed. We wanted to get a ferry to one of the islands but couldnt work it out. No one was outside all day. At night things picked up and Ash and I managed to get really drunk at dinner... then we went to some funny little bar. Today we were going to hire bikes and ride around the city but that never happened due to immense hangover.

Right now there are 3 people in the hostel, two of whom are Ash and I... The lot of them are downstairs talking football... I have nothing of value to add to that conversation so am enjoying a bit of relaxed alone time. Off to Cordoba tomorrow for a few days. Hopefully catching up with the british lads again. Then to Mendoza for the wine festival.... should be pretty huge.


Love to all... kissies and huggies

Mary

i LOVE brazil

Oi Amigas!

tehehehe, in brazil 'oi' is like saying 'hi'. i love it!

I landed in Brazil about 2 and a half weeks ago with the intention of staying in Sao Paulo for 3 nights.... then 6.... then 9.... and then it was time for me to go to Rio :-(. I was told Sao Paulo was really boring and that I shouldnt stay there long... I ended up having the BEST time. Partied really hard with some awesome awesome people. During the day we kinda just hung around, i didnt actually see that much of Sao Paulo but I saw enough to know I love it. One night we went to a samba thing with a live band and a whole lot of locals. It was so much fun, there were a few guys leading the crowd through all these dance moves. It was amazing. I had to also stay for the Monday night because it was the 1 year anniversary of the hostel i was staying at. One of the guys DJed at a club and we spent the whole night dancing.

Got to Rio about a week ago. My hostel is pretty balls. Its stinking hot and the people here arent the best. Met some cool Canadian chicks who I went to Sugar Loaf with the other day and have been checking out carnival with. The first night here was cool. We went to a silent disco (headphone party) which was funny, not really something i would do again but it was pretty rad. We went with a bunch of guys from the hostel who were really nice. The next night we went to a street party in Lapa, there was a bit of house music but no dancing or anything and no samba :-( people were just standing around drinking beer. The next night was great though, again we went out with the guys but they ended up turning into moody bastards (we decided they had partied waaay too much and now they were burnt out) so we ditched them and hung out with these awesome brazilian chicks. We went to a beach party and drank caipirinhas all night... caipirinhas are this brazilian cocktail made from cachaça, a spirit made from sugar cane, lime and sugar.... and they are brutal!!! a couple of those and you're set for the night... and then we did it all again... and again... last night the brazilians were STILL going. The streets of ipanema were totally packed but we were all pretty dead, and i'm still feeling it a bit tonight.

Unfortunately, I am now sharing a room with a total douche bag and no one here really seems that cool. I'm pretty ready to leave and get down to Argentina. Right now I am drowning in the smell of bad cologne surrounded by drunk american dudes... they're really not my kind of people...

But all in all I love brazil. I dont want to leave... I do want to leave this hostel but I dont want to leave the country...

Hope all is good in your various countries.

xxoo

Adios Mexico! Ola Brazil!

hello hello hello,

Well its my last day in Mexico after 5 crazy weeks. The last 2 weeks being especially crazy and awesome.

Grady and I did some of the sights in Mexico city. Its really great and there are some lovely suburbs. The food here is awesome too. We went to a really fancy restaurant called Izote on our last night together run by a famous Mexican chef, Patricia Quintana. It was a modern Mexican fusion restaurant and it was amazing. 3 courses and 5 cocktails each cost about $200... I am going to miss the Mexican cheapness.

I left Grady on the 20th for Puerto Escondido. I might have cried a little. Still missing my girl. She went to Peru and had to be evacuated from Machu Pitchu by the US army but she is thankfully ok.

I stayed in Puerto Escondido for 8 AMAZING nights. The hostel was great, pool, outdoor couches and rad people. It was run by a guy called Steve who was in one word... crazy. We spent every day relaxing, going to the beach and partying pretty much. There were 3 other Australians there so of course Australia day was fantastic. Originally we were going to have it on the 26th, like normal people but Steve decided to say to EVERYONE on the 24th "its Australia day tomorrow" and didnt listen to us when we said it wasn't. So we had Australia day on the 25th, but we figured it was Australia day in Australia at that time so it was ok. We did the traditional bbq and had heaps of food, bread and salads and sat around drinking beer all arvo and well into the night with everyone from the hostel. There were people England, Quebec, Germany, Mexico, Argentina etc etc. That morning some people went fishing and JP caught a massive tuna and cooked that up too. It was great.

Every day the two most used words were 'tabarnack' (some kind of French Canadian swear word) and 'tomorrow' as we all got really really lazy and when we decided we needed to do something we would always say we'd do it tomorrow. A couple of days the only reason I left the hostel at all was either for food or more beer.

It was really hard to leave, but thankfully my new favourite Argentinian, Martin, was flying out of Mexico City the same day as me so I didnt have to do the depressing 18 hour bus ride by myself. Everyone stayed around for the full moon party at Zipolite on the Saturday night.

Off to Sao Paulo tonight. I have to be in Rio on Feb 10 for Carnival so will probably go up north to the amazon for a couple of days. Then hopefully meeting up with Bianca and Jason from puerto in Rio. Then its down to meet Ash in Buenos Aries and hang out with Martin again.

Hope all is good in Aus or where ever you are.

xxoo Mary

Oaxaca? more like SPEWaca

So the title does fit. In crazy mexican you say the word Oaxaca 'wah-hah-ca'... But more about spewaca later

Went to Chinchen Itza, big pyramid ruins thing. Was good. Went super early to beat the crowd but by the time we left it was packed! The most awesome thing we saw was the sign for Elton John who is playing Chinchen Itza on April 3. Bahahaha. That night we got a bus to Campeche.

Campeche was ok, not as nice as Merida, not as much going on but some cool history with pirates etc. We met these Aussie kids and again ran into Patty and Nicole, two canadian chicks who we met in Cancun and again in Puerto Morelos. We ended up going on a tour which started at 3am to a place called Caluc Mool (or something). It was AMAZING!!! The middle of the jungle, you climbed these pyramids and you could see out over the canopy. We were right on the boarder of Guatemala too. We saw howler monkeys, spider monkeys and wild pigs.

Driving through Campeche state, our guide, Fernando, was telling us about the drug trade in the area. Being so close to the border, drug lords buy farms to have planes land from down south. You can pick the farms because there are these nice new houses and cars with nothing really happening on the land. There are people who live in local villages who live in complete poverty but are paid by the drug lords to keep the fuzz off their back.

After Campeche we went to San Cristobal. It is about 2100m above sea level in the mountains and it was BEAUTIFUL! such a lovely little town with so much going on. But it was soooooooooo cold. The state (Chiapas) is really interesting. There is this group called the Zapatista who are anti government and live off the land Its really political and in 1996 there was this violent uprising. The area is known for its coffee and there are some great little coffee shops. Local villagers come to sell their dodads and you can even see people making dolls, rugs and clothes. We had a great hostel which had an open fire every night and met some really cool people.

Then was Spewaca... Ergh. It sucked. I got sick on the first night and spent most of the time in bed. But there wasnt really that much to see. Then Grady got sick... Glad its over!

Got into Mexico City yesterday. It is awesome. Still taking it easy after the illness though and poor Grady is still struggling. This arvo though we went to a Bullfight!!!! I dont really condone this sort of ritual but once you get past the first kill it ends up being really interesting. Not saying I'd go see it every Sunday but it was entertaining and definitely a great cultural experience.

Few more days in Mexico City then Grady leaves me for Peru. Probably going down to a fishing village called Puerto Escondito to chill, get some sun and some beach time and to do some diving. I was thinking of going to Cuba for a few days but put that in the too hard basket, its not the easiest country to visit and its damn expensive. And I think I will need some chill time before Brazil!!

hugsies and kissies
MPat

Merida and Yacutan

Hola Amigos,

So when I left you all last it was new years eve and everyone was getting prepared to party... I ended up having 2 shots of tequila and a beer and then vomming up my dinner, resulting in everyone going to the beach party and me sleeping on the couch of Sarah and Az´s place. Such is life. Thankfully I woke up feeling fine and ready to take on more of Mexico.

New years day was awesome. Sarah, Grady and I ended up going to the 'Crococun' which literally means Crocodile nest (later finding out that Cancun means snake nest.... I think if people knew that there wouldnt be so many tourists). It was fabulous, a hands on zoo that lets you get up close to the animals with a fantastic guide Bruno who totally loved us three girls. We were kissed by macaws, held baby crocodiles and a massive boa, fed deer and monkeys and touched a lizard that looked prehistoric. The most amazing thing was the crocodile enclosure though. We literally walked throught the enclosure where the full grown crocodiles are kept walking only cms away from them. One German woman was walking backward and was about to step on the head of a 2m long croc before I freaked everyone out by screaming "watch out" at the top of my lungs. We got some amazing photos which I will need to facebook at some stage soon.

The next day Aarons dad, Steve, hired a van and Steve, Arrons sisters and niece Courtney, Kayla and Janelle, Sarah, Grady and I all went out to a town called Coba. There were Mayan ruins there and we hired shitty bikes and rode around the ruins for about an hour which was beautiful and a lot of fun. Then we went to a Cenote (see note ay), an underground waterhole. Basically the Yacutan peninsula is all limestone and there are many caves around with Cenotes. We climbed down stairs into this cave with a crystal clear pool at the bottom. It was amazing. It would have been about 20m deep in some parts but you could still see the bottom even though the only light in the cave were a couple of spotlights. The cave was huge, the size of a basketball stadium. That night we went to Playa Del Carmen for a couple of hours on our way home and then out for drinks at some local bar in Puerto Morelos.

The next day Grady and I headed to Merida, 3 hours west of Cancun. Merida is beautiful. It was colonised by the Spanish in the mid 1500s. There are beautiful palaces here and the whole town is clean, unlike downtown Cancun. Edwin, our hostel owner is this beautiful gay mexican man. The hostel was the house his grandmother grew up in and is so beautiful. He has been so helpful and friendly as have most people in Merida. There is a lot of town pride here and the local government organise shows and music for free in the town square pretty much every night.

Edwin told us about a little known tour we could do to see more Cenotes. It involved travelling by a local bus to a small village called Cuzama. From the town centre in Cuzama you hop into a little taxi thing that is powered by bike which takes you to the beginning of the cenote trip. There are 3 cenotes and the only way to get to them is by 'truck'... ie a 4 seater cart on tracks pulled by a horse. The driver takes you around to the three beautiful cenotes and you can swim around for about half an hour at each... All up the entire trip cost less than $10 each. We were lucky enough to share our cart with Miguel, a guy from Mexico city who lives in Spain now and his mum who he took to Merida on holiday. His english was perfect and Grady and I both had a massive crush on him. He was able to translate for us and told us about how the cenote trips had been running for 15 years but the horse and carts had been around much longer and they were originally used to go into the bush and collect and transport a type of cacti used to make rope and other stuff. Miguel said he found it hard to understand our cart driver because in the small towns in the area they speak a mixture of spanish and the traditional mayan language.

Today we went to the anthropology museum and bummed around merida for a bit. We have to get up early tomorrow to go to Chinchen Itza, the biggest of the Mayan ruins before heading to Campeche tomorrow for a couple of nights.

That is all from me for now. Hope everyone is well.

love xxoo